How We Explained the Death of Our Pet to Our Toddler
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Welcome and please know how sorry I am if you have lost or are losing a beloved pet. Our animals are family and losing them is heartbreaking. Hopefully, the experience of How We Explained the Death of Our Pet to Our Toddler can help your family cope with your loss.
Toddlers and Loss
When our 14-year-old cat Paige passed away, we faced the challenge of explaining her death to Little A, who was two at that time. We absolutely wanted to answer her questions, so as not to frustrate her by ignoring them. But we were simultaneously trying to keep our own emotions under control and avoid upsetting her more with our explanation. Explaining the death of a pet to a toddler is uncharted territory for us in the parenting world.
We wanted to avoid saying that Paige “was put to sleep,” for fear Little A would be afraid to sleep. Or that Paige “got sick and went to the doctor” because we don’t want her to be afraid to go to the doctor and never come back. We also didn’t want to just say she went to “Heaven,” because that means about as much to a 2-year-old as saying Paige went to Florida or another location. How would we explain why we can’t go visit Paige in “Heaven” like we visit other places?
We chose to use the Rainbow Bridge to explain her death since as a toddler our daughter loves rainbows and a rainbow is a concrete thing she can see and understand.
The Story of Paige
Paige was actually my cat, who I adopted long before kids, and even before I met my husband. We met at the Humane Society and she stuck her paw out of her cage and chose me to be her Mom. She was afraid of most men throughout her life due to events that
Fast forward 14 years and poor Paige was having a hard time handling Little A’s noisy and sometimes aggressive ways of interacting with her. Early in 2017, we made the decision for Paige to go live at my parent’s house temporarily as we anticipated the birth of Baby J. She was familiar with their home and it offered peace, quiet and lots of love and attention.
Unfortunately, soon after moving in with them, Paige developed a lump in her chest that ended up being an aggressive form of cancer. She became very sick very fast. Luckily our vet is amazing, and when the decision was made to put Paige to sleep on a Friday, he gave her medications to keep her comfortable so that she was able to go home for one last weekend so that we could say our goodbyes.
Goodbyes
When we said goodbye to Paige, Little A was not aware that it was the last time she would see her. This was mostly because we were a mess and could not have handled it well at that time. We took pictures of Little A with Paige, Baby J was able to meet Paige and we took some family pictures with our sweet kitty that I will always treasure.
My husband and I took Paige to the vet and said our final goodbyes. Again, because our vet is so incredible we were able to hold her and be with her the entire time. It truly was the best situation it could be considering what was going on. Paige was being snuggled and loved until she closed her eyes for the final time.
The Rainbow Bridge
I have heard mention about the Rainbow Bridge stories and seen beautiful artwork of pets crossing it so I did a little research on the concept before discussing it with Little A. Apparently, the concept of the Rainbow Bridge, a bridge for pets that connects heaven and Earth, originated from a poem written in the 1980s. It is unknown who exactly wrote it, but there are three contenders (Paul C. Dahm, William N. Britton, and Wallace Sife).
Little A loves rainbows and at her age, a rainbow is a concrete thing she can see and understand. We chose to go the Rainbow Bridge route in explaining Paige’s death. I had no clue how it would go and was honestly dreading the conversation. Mostly I hoped I would be able to maintain my composure. We did not want to scare or upset Little A when she inevitably asked about Paige.
I did not purchase any Rainbow Bridge books for Little A, but I did have The Rainbow Bridge, A Visit to Pet Paradise in my Amazon cart, in case I needed it. While I cannot recommend this book from my personal experience, I have read many reviews and it seems the best choice for the toddler age group.
How We Explained Paige’s Death
Since Paige had been “on vacation” at my parents’ house towards the end of her life, Little A would mention her in passing but we thankfully had some time before we had to address Paige’s death. Thank goodness because my husband and I were having a very hard time with the loss of Paige ourselves.
A few times when Facetiming with my Mom, Little A would ask to see Paige, as she always had before. We would all tear up and change the subject and she would move on. Finally, the time came when we were heading to visit my parents and Little A started asking about Paige and she was excited to see her kitty.
As Little A played, we explained that Paige had gotten very sick. We explained that when animals get very sick, they die. They then go over the Rainbow Bridge and we cannot see them anymore. She continued playing, taking this all in. She then said “okay,” and moved on.
The Aftermath
We were unsure if she really understood, or was even listening to our explanation. Over the next few days, Little A did seem to process Paige’s death. She told all of her grandparents that her kitty Paige had died and we couldn’t see her anymore. Luckily, our families were aware of Paige’s death and very understanding. They acknowledged Little A’s feelings and expressed their sympathy. She seemed to appreciate it and wanted to share the news with whomever she could.
On a lighter note, we have another kitty, Brodie. He is 15 years old. One day soon after our Rainbow Bridge conversation, I was commenting that his hair was getting white. I also said that he was looking old. Little A proceeded to inform Brodie that “Paige was old. Brodie you’re going to die soon.” Ummm what?! I half-laughed and half-cried about how matter of fact she was about death. I am also relieved that she doesn’t seem upset by the inevitable prospect of Brodie also passing away.
Somewhere Over the Rainbow
We were recently looking at photos and a picture of Paige showed up. Little A simply said, “I miss Paige but she’s over the rainbow and that’s okay.” Obviously, I started bawling. I am so impressed with this little girl who misses her kitty but is okay that she is somewhere “over the rainbow.”
While the path we chose to take may not be the one that everyone chooses, it did work for us. I hope our story can help others who are facing a similar situation. Death is never easy. But to explain it to a child while also processing our own feelings is certainly a new and ongoing experience for us.
